Summer

It's summer. That means cut-offs, bonfires, ice cream, and boredom. One fantastic thing about the summer is that most of us don't have a full week of school to keep us busy (sorry homeschoolers who are still trudging through Saxon - I feel your pain). That usually means a lot of free time and the question of what to do with it.

I've been asking that question lately. I have a particularly free summer ahead of me and I'm a little short on ideas. One thing that will make it into my daily schedule is a couple hours of writing. I've got more time to focus on improving my skills now that they are not needed for research papers. I'll also be spending a lot of time running and swimming. But other than that, I don't have a lot going on.

Actually, what to do with my summer has entered into my prayers almost every day recently - having nothing planned has kind of been getting to me.

The first thing I had to realize is that Summer 2017 isn't actually "my summer." I have the habit of calling it that, but it's not in any way accurate. Just like the rest of my time belongs to God, so does the summer. It's not my summer - it's God's summer.

That only changes the thought process though. I am still faced with more free time than I know what to do with. But the question has now changed to what does God want me to do with all that free time?

That's a little bit of a hard one to answer. Chances are, He's not going to write me a detailed e-mail with everything He wants me to accomplish in the next few months. So here's my current conclusion, based on a lot of thought and prayer: I just need to live.

Woah, crazy, right?

What I mean by that is that maybe I don't need to be obsessing over what I'm supposed to be doing or finding some big thing to fill up a lot of time. Yes, stuff like that happens (camps, jobs, writing, etc.), but I don't need to seek it out in order to feel fulfilled. Living day to day can be just as satisfying as doing huge things.

Living isn't just going from thing to thing to thing. It's also stuff like turning on the oven so your brother can make cookies. Or maybe it's reading a book to better understand some aspect of theology. Or it could be helping with dinner because you have the time to do that.

I can't stand going to bed and feeling as if I haven't done anything all day. It drives me crazy. I used to think that meant I needed to do some big thing or complete a checklist every day. But it actually means I need to be a good steward of the time that has been given to me. If that means finishing a huge project, great. If it means going for a walk, reading a book, and swimming with my siblings, also great. The noteworthy things don't define me and I don't need them to fulfill me. Being a good steward isn't just doing the intense and big stuff that gets noticed. God gives us big blessings and little blessings. We do big things and little things. There's a place for both.

I guess my main point today is that we don't always have to be in search of what we think are important things to do. It's okay to just take what comes day by day and do it with all your heart.

-Kira

Take Care of Yourself

Everyone has a lot going on in their lives. Teenagers, adults, parents, everyone. Often, busyness means sacrificing something in order to make it all fit. It's only natural: there's too much to fit into a day, so you pick something to forgo. I am all for taking out the unnecessary things - it's something I need to work on and grow in myself. But today, I want to ask you to not get rid of taking care of yourself.

In the middle of all the things we have going on, there are a lot of obligations: to school, jobs, friends, sports, family, etc. So, when making room for all these things, it's easy to choose (whether on purpose or not) to stop caring for yourself properly.

A lot of times, this sounds selfish to me. I'm not supposed to be focused on taking care of me, myself, and I, right? There are other people around me and they're supposed to receive my love and attention.

And yes, that's true. Jesus tells us to love one another - it's how the world will know who we are. But now I want to ask you, can you really love your friends, family, coworkers, and that random person in Kroger to the best of your ability when you're tired and burned out?

The answer is no.

Taking good care of yourself isn't just something that's responsible and will make your mom happy when you go to college. It helps you to show God's unconditional love to the people around you. Plus, the people closest to you can usually tell when you're not doing a very good job of it.

There are a few major areas that each of us needs to focus on in ourselves before we can properly pour into other people:

Spiritual

Please please please do your devotions! As a sinner with ideas of my own, I skip mine way too much. But when I spend time with God in the morning, that's a peaceful time that starts my day off right. And not everyone's devotion time has to look the same. You don't have to spend exactly thirty minutes reading, twenty two praying, and ten and a half singing worship songs. I usually read a chapter or a section in the book I'm going through (Psalms right now) and then write a prayer in a journal a lovely friend gave me. It doesn't take very long, so please spend time with God. He cares about you and wants you to love others in a strong way that can only be done by His love flowing through you.

Physical

Everyone knows that if you eat the right things and get some good exercise, you'll feel better. So just do it. I'll admit, discipline is hard for me in this area. I like stay up late reading or watching a movie and then get up early to get started on things. So, yeah, add good sleep to the list of things to make sure you get. We all know that we feel a lot better and can focus on other people more when we're not tired, eating right, and getting a little bit of exercise. I know it might be hard to do all these things, but it's worth it.

Mentally/Emotionally

This one's pretty simple. Stay home and read a book. Take a nap. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Make cookies. Do something you really like to do. But do it by yourself. Let yourself not be at all concerned with what anyone's going to think. Maybe even skip a party or social event if you don't have time for this one. I'm not telling you to have no social life - that's important too. But make sure you get some alone time every once in a while.

I am not saying these things in order to be presumptuous or look like I've got it all together myself. I'm doing it because I know what it's like to not take care of myself in these ways and I've seen my friends struggle with the same things. It's not good and won't get you anywhere you want to go. So today, I ask you again to please take the time to take care of yourself. It's not selfish and it's definitely worth the effort.

-Kira

"What Does Practice Make?"

"What does practice make?"

"Perfect!"

"No. What does practice make?"

Every season of coaching our middle school soccer teams, Daddy would ask the same question in the middle of warmup touches. Confused silence always followed after the initial answer was rejected. Every single one of us girls had been told our whole lives that "practice makes perfect." So what was Coach/Daddy talking about?

After a minute, if no one offered any new answers, he provided the correct one for us.

"Permanent. Practice makes permanent."

And then he proceeded to explain.

"It doesn't matter how much you practice something if you're practicing it wrong. Whatever you do during practice is what's going to become permanent in your head. And then that's what you'll do during the game."

After the first couple times, my sister and I would exchange knowing smiles as the chorus of wrong answers were breathlessly given between touches, followed by the same explanation.

After a while, I realized that this sentiment doesn't just apply to soccer. Rarely anything does unless it's "shoot for the posts" or "keep the offender outside."

Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. (1 John 3:4)

The practice of these people is certainly not leading to perfection! A few verses later, John practically tells us right out not to believe the old adage about practice making perfect.

Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. (1 John 3:7-8a)

There's another old saying that almost everyone knows: you are what you eat. I'd like to think this is similar. You are what you do.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? . . . So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. (James 2:14,17-18)

Our works are what show our faith and the works we do regularly (habits) are made by practice. I can't help but think of the line Daddy always used to end his mini lecture.

"Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect."

-Kira

Studying

After deciding to lock myself in my room for the next hour and a half to get some midterm studying done, I opened the curtains. That was a huge mistake since I already knew it was snowing. And peaceful snow drifting down in a soft blanket can be quite distracting when you're looking at ancient Greek plays. Sooo I took some pictures. (By the way, the falling snow is kind of hard to see because I took most of them through my bedroom window.)

I just had to add this one because it's making
my whole room smell like gingerbread. :)

All right, break over. Back to those plays ;)

-Kira

"Even the sparrow..."

There are a lot of things in this life that make me anxious or nervous. Like going to math class the first time. Or performing or speaking in front of people. Or, most recently, going to a job interview. I am a generally anxious person. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong and what will happen if said thing goes wrong and can it ever be fixed or will my life be ruined forever.

A couple years ago I found a verse that has since been my favorite.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:5b-7

I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything. Anything at all. That covers everything from going to the dentist to my little sister going to live with someone else. Anything.

Since I found that verse, I'm still anxious a lot. But I repeat it over and over in my head. I thought it would take away all worry if I said it enough times. That I would eventually just never be anxious about anything at all. That's not quite how it's worked so far.

Recently, I had my first ever job interview. As you can probably guess, I was nervous - which also means talking a lot. I said this verse to myself and it certainly didn't take away the nervousness. But it did do something else. I realized that even though I was still anxious about this interview, I wasn't anxious deep down. That probably doesn't make much sense, so let me explain.

It used to be that I was nervous and scared all the way to my core when something new was coming up. But now, when I remember that God has control, I'm only nervous on the surface. Because it is scary to do something new and unknown. It's uncomfortable to step outside your comfort zone. But I'm not nervous on a deeper level. Now, I don't have to dwell on that worry for the weeks leading up to the big day. I can think about other things because I know that whatever happens, God's still going to be sovereign and the world's still going to be spinning at the end of the day. And if it's not, I know where I'll be. :)

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

-Psalm 46:10-11

I can be still because God will be exalted no matter what.

In Matthew 10, Jesus talks about how we compare to sparrows in the sight of God. If He keeps track of and takes care of them, how much more will He take care of us? Some of us on the mime team (for an explanation, see the "About Me" page) have been given the assignment of creating a mime for part of our testimony. The song I chose is, coincidentally, Sparrows by Jason Gray. You should definitely listen to it, but it starts with the words:

You can't add a single day,

by worrying.

You'll worry your life away.

And the chorus adds:

Oh, even the sparrow

knows He holds tomorrow.

If even a tiny little bird can trust God to take care of him, then I have no reason to doubt that He can take care of me.

-Kira

Why You Should Drop What You're Doing And Go For A Run Right This Second

My old running shoes - apparently you're not supposed to wait
until they are ripped and the tread's coming off for new ones. :D

One of the best feelings ever is taking the last step of an extremely intense run and collapsing into a stumbling walk with a grin stretched across your panting face. At least in my opinion. ;)

And I want to share that feeling, so today I thought I'd compile a list of perfectly solid reasons why everyone should start running right now. (You could also call it a list of why I love running so much.)

1. It's good for you. This one's a no brainer.
2. The end of a run always leaves you with a sense of accomplishment, if you let it. This morning, I really struggled to get up out of bed. I knew it was snowing. I knew it was cold. I knew it was dark. And I did not. Want. To. Run. But I made myself get up anyway and at the end, I couldn't stop smiling because I made myself do it.
3. You get to have all those cool running things. Shoes, shorts, socks, apps, you name it! Plus, they make great rewards for meeting goals...
4. You can slow down and take things in. Before anyone else gets up in the morning, the world is quiet and beautiful. Last Saturday, I got to see hot pink clouds dye the world a lighter pink as the sun rose. And the snowflakes dancing down in the dark this morning. It's a great time to pray and clear your head.
5. Quality time with your dog - or brother. Our dog is old and fat now so...
6. Your head is clear for the rest of the day. This one is not a complete guarantee but I have noticed that when I run, the rest of my day goes so much better. It's now one of the things I say to myself when my bed is warm and the alarm's going off: "You know your whole day is better when you run. So get up!"
7. Instant hobby. Really, this one's pretty self explainatory too. It's something to do that's good for you.
8. Time alone. I know this contradicts number 5, but every run's different. Sometimes, I go for an extra if something's driving me crazy. When you come back tired, it tends to be a lot harder to be upset.
9. Great ideas magically appear. I get all sorts of new ideas for writing, cooking, school, anything, when I run. And it's totally random most of the time. I'll be thinking about how I wish more people left their Christmas lights on early in the morning, and then I have a new way to do something.
10. Time for podcasts! I have a few podcasts I love to listen to and I don't really have a lot of time to do that at home. But I can download them and listen to them while I run. Entertainment during painful stretches and finishing up those podcasts you wanted to hear.
11. Food. After a long run, you can seriously eat all day and still be hungry. Which means you can make cookies and still want to eat some after licking the bowl. I mean, ahem, eat apples and carrots and protein all day...not. ;)

There you go. Eleven whole reasons why you should go pull on your shoes and get out the door. Convinced?

-Kira

Reasons and Excuses

If I were so inclined, I could produce a plethora of reasons (insert: "excuses") as to why I haven't written anything in the past few (ahem, five) months.

Fortunately for you, I am not so inclined.

I will, however, state one reason (do not insert "excuse" here): I haven't had anything to write about.

I'm completely serious. The author wannabe hasn't had a single thing to write about in nearly five months now. Not counting, of course, a few e-mails and texts and things of that nature. Though I will admit I am abominably slow at replying to such things. Oh, and homework. Who could forget a lovely thing like that?

But I haven't had anything to say on here, on this blog. As you likely know, I usually write things like fiction, anecdotes from my real life, and ways that God's been working on me.

Ah, ways that God's been working on me. Such a lovely thing to ponder... Wait a minute. If I haven't had anything to say on any of those topics for almost half a year, does that mean He's just stopped? I'm no longer growing? I've finally reached that point of perfection so long sought after?

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by trying to convince you of that. No one's perfect, believe it or not, and I'm pretty sure it's a safe bet to say you believe that.

So why the drought of words? If I haven't become the epitome of all that is beautiful and pure in the world, why have I had nothing to say on the subject of anything lately? Has God given up on me? Is that it? He threw up His hands in disgust and left to work on some holier project?

Um, no.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that God hasn't given up on me. If Jesus went all the way to the point of death on the cross for me while I was still as dead as a person can get in my sin, why would He stop molding me to His image now? The thing is, He wouldn't.

So that brings me back to my original question. What happened to all the thoughts that I normally transform so eagerly into sentences to push out into the wide wide world to be read by people who aren't me and my imaginary friends?

I'll tell you what happened. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. Nope. Just ask my sister, I've been talking probably more than ever since the July of my last post. And we've already determined that God hasn't stopped working on me. Quite the contrary actually - He's been growing me in ways that make me beyond grateful and that I didn't see coming.

So are you ready for the answer then? The reason behind the lack of typed verbiage? There are two of them actually and here they are:

1. I didn't think any of it was good enough to say.

2. I didn't think I could do justice to what I did want to say.

Can we just take one second to laugh really hard at reason number 1? Seriously, go ahead. I have.

I'll explain that moment of laughter. If I claim to be a Bible believing, born again Christian (and I do), shouldn't I be growing in my faith every single day and not taking five month breaks? Yes, I should and yes, I have been. So if, like I've said, God has been working in me this whole time, isn't that part of my testimony or witness or whatever word you want to use? Yes, of course it is. My testimony doesn't end with salvation. That's more like the beginning. Finally, if that growth is part of my testimony, how can it possibly not be good enough to say? Am I really criticizing God on how He's been using me and growing me and telling Him it's not good enough to post on the internet? Let's take another laughing break, only this one should be in disbelief and with lots of head shaking.

But that's what I've been thinking. "Wow, I love all this growth and learning new stuff, but I don't think anyone else would want to read about it. So I'll just go read some other blog written by some interesting person." Really? First off, who cares if anyone wants to read it? My popularity (or lack thereof) in this life has absolutely nothing to do with who I am. Nothing. At all. Second, if God loves me as His daughter and is taking the care to grow me in a way that is special to me, He deserves praise and glory for that. Right? I mean really, am I right? Yes! So how dare I think that I don't have anything good enough to say! If God's working in me and through me, I should never run out of things to say, regardless of who reads them.

On to reason/excuse number 2.

I didn't think I could do justice to what I did want to say. So, yes. there were a few things that I thought I'd like to write about and post, but I didn't think I could say them well enough. I mean, I'm a teenager, still working on my writing, growing my fancy-schmancy vocabulary and learning how to make things interesting and fit together. How could I possibly say what God wants me to say in the way He wants me to say it? It simply can't be done.

I am really hoping right now that you read that last paragraph in the most sarcastic voice your brain could supply. If you didn't, please go back and try again. I'll wait.

Am I ever going to be perfect? Nope. So am I ever going to be able to perfectly show what God's doing in my life? Nope again. Well, if I can't do it perfectly, then why bother?

Turns out, I'm supposed to bother because God told me to bother. If I don't praise the Lord, the stones will. And who wants to lose in praising God to a bunch of rocks? Um, not me.

No, I can't write everything perfectly, no matter how hard I try. And I probably can't do it justice. But the point is that I try. I give my absolute best for God and quit acting like I have to be any good by my own strength before He can use me. Guess what. He can use me now. He could use this imperfect post I'm typing viciously away at however He feels like it. And who am I to stop using the words He's given me because I don't think they're good enough? No one, that's who.

So there you have it. That's why I haven't been writing. Because I'm a sinner who doesn't want to praise God for what He does for me.

Well, that's going to change. In fact, it already has. Look at this, I'm writing about what God showed me recently right this very second! I love my God and I want other people to love Him too. I want to be used by Him to show other people how great and amazing He is. I'm not going to do it perfectly, but I still want to do it. What could possibly be better than to have a testimony and a witness used by God in someone else's life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So maybe now you could go back to where I said not to insert "excuse" and go ahead and put it in there. Because there is no reason good enough to not give glory to God.

-Kira

My Summer Mantra

In my mind, nothing compares to the blissful peace (or, at the very least, comforting familiarity) of spending uninterrupted days at home. Enough work to occupy the morning and most of the afternoon, completed at an old desk featuring a map of Tolkien's Middle Earth. A stack of more library books than will likely be read before the due date, despite my loathing to admit the fact, on the wall of bookshelves. Two dogs overwhelmed with joy whenever I deem it within my means to give them a simple pat on the head.

As Maria from The Sound of Music put it, "These are a few of my favorite things!"

Wouldn't it be nice if that was all life consisted of? Old friends, familiar running routes, black coffee in "You Are My Sunshine" mugs. The comfortable, the worn, the familiarly frayed things that surround us at home.

Of course, anyone older than two can tell you that this fantasy is not how the world works. We can't always stay home and enjoy the archives of Doctor Who while eating vanilla ice cream covered in too many of the colorful sprinkles that delight young children. Sometimes, instead, we have to get up early in order to consume a hotel breakfast with hotel coffee before everyone else in said hotel wakes up and descends upon the breakfast room.

That said, I have been traveling for the last few weeks without much of a rest at home in between, heading from place to place to place. To place.

Don't misunderstand me - I love to travel! I love seeing new places, gaining new experiences and spicing up life with variety. However, as I have before mentioned, I do tend to have introvert inclinations and I love being at home.

Just over a week through, a thought kept trickling through my mind. Aren't vacations supposed to be restful? Any time something didn't happen just the way it should or I was getting tired and edgy yet again, that's what I would start thinking. Aren't vacations supposed to be restful?

That, of course, got me absolutely nowhere. How could it? Asking a useless question to yourself and not someone else in an overly sarcastic mental voice is not ever going to change anything one bit. Or so I have discovered.

I had halfheartedly been doing devotions every day of the first vacation (and a few days into the second), mostly wishing for home in between trying to glean something from distracted reading when God did one of those things where He completely and totally changes my perspective on something. I don't remember what I was reading. I don't remember what I was thinking. I do remember that I was sitting on a hotel bed in a blessedly empty room with my Bible app open on my kindle fire. But I wasn't dutifully and mindlessly reading. I was praying.

It wasn't one of those "please bless so-and-so and thank you for enough food and clothes" types of prayers (though there's nothing wrong with those). It was one of those "Just help me make it through this vacation! I can't take it any more! My brothers are driving me insane and I'm sick and I have a hundred things I would rather be doing at home right now!" prayers. One of those where you let everything spill out (sometimes including a few tears, as long as there's no one else in the room) and admit you can't do it by yourself.

Then a different thought came to me - one to replace the ever bitter Aren't vacations supposed to be restful? I know that the new thought wasn't from me though. I was still in my "get me out of here!" mindset. The new thought was this:

God is the same everywhere.

Just five simple words. God is the same everywhere. An indescribable mixture of peace and joy rose up from inside me at this new thought.

God is the same at home and at camp and on vacation and at work and in the Eiffel Tower and on the moon and everywhere else. Even when my morning routine includes spreading goopy sunscreen all over already half burnt, half tanned skin and when lunch is from a cooler in the back of the car and when respite is sought in a few feet of shade within earshot of someone else's little sister attempting karaoke. That became my new mantra (if you can call it that) for the rest of the vacation, helping to push aside Aren't vacations supposed to be restful?

The next week, I was away from home again. And guess what? Those five words were still true. I know, go figure. God is the same everywhere.

I pray that those five words stay with you and encourage you, whether you're in a hotel in Europe or a cabin in North Carolina or on the couch in your living room with an old book.

Believe it or not, after getting home a couple days ago, we're leaving again Saturday morning for yet another trip. I think my "mantra" from that second week will turn into my "mantra" for the summer as I continue to be away from home doing all sorts of different things and visiting all sorts of different places.

And as I climb into the car from the crisp Virginia early morning air on Saturday, I will remember.

God is the same everywhere.

-Kira

Why We're Not Chicken Noodle Soup

So maybe this isn't quite within a week, but it's within a month, right? No? One day off? Hmm. Maybe I should stop making poor estimates of when my next post will be...

The closest thing we had to chicken noodle soup.
Just go with it.

Today I wanted to write about labels. Not the labels on a can of soup or something like that, but the labels given to a person either by themselves or by someone else. As a teenager, this is something that I struggle with almost daily. It's always a temptation to believe the labels and do everything within my power to become the person that the label implies. But that's not right. It's not what I'm called to do as God's daughter. I say, let's get rid of them. All of them.

So what exactly to I mean by labels? In this case, I mean the category that a person is placed into in order to define them. Such as: soccer girl, computer genius, animal lover, bookworm, etc. The purpose of a label is to stick it on a person so that we don't have to get closer to them and learn more about them. Or, if it is self imposed, it is so that we can rest in the security of being what others expect and thus make them (and, in turn, ourselves) happy.

What's so wrong with labels then? If they are really just to make people happy and life easy, why would we need to consider getting rid of them? First, just because it makes someone happy, doesn't mean that it is a good thing. It might make me happy to snap at my brothers until they finally leave me alone, but that does not at all mean that it's okay with God.

Yet, nowhere in the Bible does it say, "Thou shalt not label thy friends, thy siblings, or thyself." Which implies that there must be a root problem if it is actually, as I propose, such a bad thing. Labeling must be the result of sin.

But which sin?

If we take the time to look, there are a multitude to choose from: selfishness (wanting people to be just the way we want them), laziness (not wanting to put forth the effort to get to know a person for real), pride (thinking we have the ability and right to define either another person or ourselves), and the list goes on.

Actually, on a slightly different tangent, the soup can picture from above is a good one. A label on a can of chicken noodle soup is placed there to tell you what's inside. When you open the can to cook it, you have no doubt that what you will find inside is indeed chicken noodle soup. The label on the can was put there so that we can know the contents without having to pull out the can opener and work for it.

That's the thing about us humans though, we're not soup. If that is a surprise to anyone, you might want rethink some things - something's wrong. Anyway, humans aren't soup. If a label is put on a can of soup to tell you what's inside, then a label on a human should parallel that purpose. The label should tell you what's inside the person. But that's the thing, it doesn't. Because humans aren't soup, we tend to change and grow and be made up of lots more than broth, chicken, and noodles. We can't be plastered with a label that tells everything exactly as it is inside of us.

There is so much more to every individual person around us that labeling hides from sight. There is so much more to ourselves than one or two concisely cut ideas.

So lets forget the labels and invest in each other as the human beings we are. Let's sweep aside the inhibiting titles and ideas and instead love and get to know each other deeply just as Jesus intended. Because, after all, we're more than chicken noodle soup.

-Kira

Almost Like It Was Planned That Way...

If one were to go all the way back to my very first post on this particular blog, one would come across a paragraph on why it is called how He loves us. For those of you who are too lazy to do so (or just have a life outside of the internet), I will copy it here:

Also, I was going to call this blog all for Him but the web address was already taken, so it is now how He loves us. (web address: howheluvsus.blogspot.com because "love" spelled correctly was taken too) I was going to call it all for Him because I've been thinking a lot lately about what God wants me to do with my life - both long-term and right now - and how I can glorify Him and do it "all for Him" no matter what it is I'm doing.

So, definitely not a bad thing to think about. We were all created for "good works, which God planned beforehand that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10b) Our purpose in life should be to carry out God's plan for said life.

As I said before however, this blog did not end up with the title of all for Him.

When I started writing on here almost two years ago, that was what was occupying my mind a lot and what I was really thinking about. But as I grew, and my blog grew, it seems to have changed. As I look back and think about old posts and stories and pieces of my testimony, I see just how fitting the name how He loves us has turned out to be. Almost like it was planned that way.

My goal with this post is not to start a crazy and confusing predestination debate or anything, but rather to appreciate how God promises to look out for us and care for us constantly.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I've got to admit, I really struggle with trusting God to take control of my life. I mean, I know He has control already, but I am not willing to accept that fact in every area of my walk with Him. I think that I know better and that I can do better because I can see my plans for my future. I can't see God's plans for my future and that scares me a little bit. Because what if they're different from mine? What if He doesn't want me to be a writer or have kids or go to college? What if He wants me to give up my dreams in order to follow His plan for me? His very much existent and good plan, as stated in the verse in Jeremiah.

The disciples left everything behind in order to follow Christ. They left their families, their jobs, their homes. They committed to following Him completely. They went all in. I want to be that devoted to Christ. I want to be willing to give up what I want, no matter how tremendously difficult and flat-out terrifying that is. I pray that God will help me to be able to say "I surrender all my human soul desires. If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall, I surrender all." (I Surrender All, Clay Crosse)

Because He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future. And He has the same for you.

This blog post took an extreme turn from the direction I planned on heading. I don't think I even said what I planned on saying, but I'm not going to change it. It just seems right. Almost like it was planned that way.

-Kira

Smelling the Roses

So, I know it's technically not the "Christmas Season" anymore but we can celebrate Jesus' birth all year, right? I had intended to post this last week (before Christmas) but it didn't happen. So I'm posting it today with the idea that it can apply to the rest of the year too. :)

The weather in Virginia has been going absolutely crazy these past couple months. One day, you'll need two pairs of socks and a huge fuzzy coat and the next, it's 60 degrees. Literally.

Despite the abnormality of the climate here, I've been taking a lot of walks lately. Now, we don't live out in the country or on the beach or anything like that. We live in a regular old neighborhood with regular old houses. There aren't huge open fields lining every street or forests surrounding single houses, isolating them from the rest of the world. Basically, it's not a city but it's not the country either. Sort of a happy medium.

Back to walking. I got an mp3 player for Christmas last year and I love listening to audio books or music while I walk and run. You know, just something to occupy my mind. I was listening to a particular song while I was out walking a couple days before Christmas and it really struck me. Unfortunately, I can't remember what song it was or even the exact lyrics. (One more reason I wanted to post this earlier - when I could remember everything I wanted to say :)

The song was about how we get all wrapped up in our busy crazy lives and don't stop to just take things in. I thought it was particularly appropriate for Christmas because of all the extra parties, shopping, and insanity that comes along with the season.

When the song came on, I was at the top of a hill. It was a regular street with regular houses. But between all the regularity, there was something spectacular. Behind the row of mundane houses was a cow pasture. In that moment, it was the most beautiful cow pasture in the world. The hills were dark with grass and tall weeds. The deep, stormy sky was dipping down to meet the rough ground. Clouds looked textured and swirled and even the simple fence around the field had an aspect of peace and rest to it.

As the singer described slowing down and appreciating what God has given us, I almost had to stop for a minute just to take it all in. I hadn't been appreciating everything. I was all caught up in worrying about school and how much I had to get done and even about Christmas.

But God didn't give us Christmas just so that we would have another thing to fuss over and twist into stressful "celebrations." If He had wanted us to get all worked up over yet another thing, He could have given us an extra mid-term or maybe a new flu shot. But He didn't. Instead, He gave us His Son.

This might sound cliche, but Jesus really was the best Christmas present ever. Too often we just pass over the story of His birth as another tradition to get through before we can open presents. The story has been told and retold so many times that we're numb to it. Unlike X-boxes, there's not a new version every year to focus our attention.

What if we stopped getting caught up in all of the little things that add up around December 25 each year? What if instead we just paused for a moment and let God fill us with His peace, love, rest? I'm not saying that the yearly Christmas party and gift exchange are bad things - I certainly don't plan on giving back the journal I got! Those can be good things. But maybe if we take the time to be filled with the peace of God not just once, but on a regular basis, this time of year would mean more.

Why stop there though? God didn't just give us Jesus for the 25 days that we get to open an advent calendar. Jesus is always there, ready for us to turn our attention to Him.

I've spent a lot of my Christmas break so far worrying about and doing school. That's not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself but I was trying to do it of my own strength and power. Guess what - it doesn't work. No matter how many hours I spent organizing and chipping away at my long list, the crossed off tasks didn't give me any joy. If anything, I couldn't wait for Christmas break to be over so that I could get even more work done.

But then God used a devotional book over and over for weeks to show me that He is there for me. I can rest in Him. He knows exactly how much I have to get done today and how He wants me to do it. Maybe the list won't get finished. Maybe it will. But it doesn't really matter. I've learned something better than why Charles Dickens wrote A Tale of Two Cities. I've learned to just take a break. Look at the beauty surrounding me and thank God for it. Let Him fill me with peace and joy and rest.  Accept those gifts and don't push them away. Stop and smell the roses.

-Kira

Potamiaena’s Prayer

This is a short-short story that I wrote as a project at the beginning of last school year. We were reading The Church History by Eusebius and we had to write a story about one of the many martyrs in the book. I chose a young woman named Potamiaena. Her story was only a page or two long, but I really liked it and wanted to spend more time thinking about it. So this is what I came up with . . .

* * *

Potamiaena stared up into the face of the judge, fear clouding her heart. She struggled to keep this same fear out of her voice and countenance. Her entire body ached, burned, and stung from the tortures she had already endured prior to this so-called trial. “I shall never worship your childish gods. They are invented only to provide something primitive and sinful for you to chase in ignorant hopes of fulfillment. I worship the one true God, the Creator of heaven and earth and His Son, Jesus Christ, now and forever!” Immediately, Potamiaena felt courage wash over her and she was now only faintly aware of the pain filling her body as she continued to stare at the judge, defiance on her face and in her stance.

The official’s look of shock and indignation rapidly evolved into one of anger and hatred. “Then you shall die! No one, not even a woman, can defy the gods and go unpunished!”

A soldier stepped forward to lead her away and Potamiaena willingly followed. As they made their way through the crowds to the road, he whispered her some comfort. “My name is Basilides. May I pray for you?” He began at Potamiaena’s nod of assent. “God, give this brave soul courage and faith through the end and keep Yourself at the forefront of her thoughts. Bring her to Yourself quickly and as painlessly as possible. In Your Son’s Name, Amen.”

Potamiaena whispered her thanks to the ground, so as not to endanger this kind young man.

Coldly, the crowd began jeering at her as she walked toward her imminent and torturous death. Basilides pushed the crowd away, driving them back and giving her room to walk, despite the oppressive nature of the bystanders. “Thank you for your kindness!” exclaimed Potamiaena, when they reached the place she was to die. She claimed one last glance at the single kind figure being swallowed by citizens of her former home. “I will ask the Lord for you and very soon I shall repay you for everything you have done on my behalf.”

With these faith-filled words, Potamiaena turned into the arena where she was to die. A tear slipped down her cheek, but she quickly brushed it away. Lord, she thought. Give me the strength to endure this for You. Help me to show them that I am not afraid to die for You. Let my death impact someone’s life. I look forward to seeing You soon. Oh, so soon. Potamiaena’s  prayer stayed in her heart through the last moments of her life. The thought calmed her from the fear of death and gave her a final smile at the thought of being martyred for her Savior.

-Kira

Not Today, But Don't Stop Asking!

"I really want to hang out with people and keep relationships strong, but I also really need some time to recharge after even a few hours of socializing. What should I do?"

This is the dreaded dilemma that every introvert faces on at least a somewhat regular basis. We don't want to hurt people by turning down invitations, but we also can not keep functioning without time to ourselves to recharge.

What to do, what to do?

We could accept every possible invitation to be social that we ever get. But then, we would get burned out quickly and everything from schoolwork to relationships would suffer. So that option's out.

We could deny every invitation that we don't feel like accepting and just keep to ourselves. But this brings to light a whole new aspect of the problem. What if we deny too many social gatherings and people think we don't want to hang out with them so they stop inviting us? This is a secret fear that can creep its way into any human being's mind, introvert or extrovert. Because humans are social animals. Some more than others, but it is still true of those of us content to spend long hours alone in our room with a good book.

We don't want to stop being invited places, but we also don't want to accept all the invitations. So what should we do?!

Well, I have an amazingly simple answer to that complicated question, and it is: I have no idea. None whatsoever.

So since I can't come up with any good solution to this problem, I have decided to beg, on the behalf of all the introverts who feel the same way, that you don't stop asking! We love spending time with people and we are not trying to avoid you. So don't be offended when we turn you down. We just need some recharge time before going out into the world again.

So please don't stop asking us to hang out with you!

(Quite) Sincerely,
Kira

Eye Drops and Chocolate Cake

Have you ever felt really guilty about something and then been easily manipulated into things later? Like giving a two-year-old eye drops and then chocolate cake?

Marie came home from the doctor in an okay mood for a two-year-old on a Monday morning. She was sleepy, but other than that feeling alright. That is, until she was laid down on a towel on a bed. She knew something was wrong, so she started crying. It was the only reasonable thing to do under the circumstances.

"Shh shh shh. It's okay sweetie." Sara was cooing at her. That just made her scream even louder.

"Hey, calm down. I'm going to tell you what we're going to do sweetie." Now Mommy was talking. Marie quieted. "Okay sweetie. I'm going to put these drops in the corner of your eye...." Marie didn't like where this was going. She started to cry again. Mommy's voice rose to be heard. "Then I'm going to open your eye so that the drop can go in. Okay?"

This was not okay. Not in the least. Marie squeezed her eyes shut tight so that no one could get any sort of drops in them.

Sara grabbed her hands and held them down and Kira kept her from rolling over while Mommy did just what she had outlined. Marie screamed and screamed.

It was soon over, but the sympathy was still evident on Mommy's face. Marie decided to take advantage of it. "That, me?" She pointed to the piece of chocolate cake sitting on the counter. It was a long shot, but Mommy felt bad for putting drops in her eyes.

"You want cake?" Mommy was somewhat surprised.

Within a minute though, Marie was seated at the table, fork in hand, ready to consume her very own moist slice of cake. It was soon polished off.

"Me, more?"

* * *

The moral of the story is get eye drops so Mommy will give you chocolate cake.

-Kira

God's Got It

I've been thinking a lot lately. Especially about the next four or five years as I'm about to start my first year of high school and prepare for college. I've been trying to come up with all sorts of different things I can do to prepare and make lots of goals to meet and go above and beyond what my mind tells me is "average."

I want to start a business, get scholarships, and make good grades. And I've been trying to do all this by myself. I've read books, blog posts, and asked people questions. But I haven't asked God to take the wheel. Sure, I've prayed. But it's been more along the lines of asking God to make things go the way I want rather than following His plan and reaping great rewards.

About two and a half years ago, we found out that a baby that we had been taking care of since she was born would be going to live somewhere else. It was heart-breaking. I didn't understand what God could possibly be thinking. We loved her so much and took such good care of her. Why would He take her from us?

A month or so later we got a phone call. It was the grandparents of the baby girl asking if we wanted to come see her. Now we see her all the time. As I write, she's napping about five feet from me. I didn't see God's providence in letting her be taken at the time. I still don't see all the reasons, but that lesson in faith is one I'll never forget. God's been reminding me of it as I push past Him and try to make my own plans. I can't ignore it any more.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

God has proven Himself faithful to me personally before and He will do it again. I just need to have faith and believe that He will take care of my high school years. God's got complete control of my life and He knows what He's doing and can see all of the long-term consequences when I can't.

-Kira

P.S. For anyone interested, I would recommend the book The Bondage of the Will by Martin Luther. I read it for school last semester and it really opened my eyes to God's providence in everything that ever happens.

Walk for Life Update

Only a couple days left to go until the Walk for Life! A huge thank you to everyone who has supported me and my team so far this year! The Pregnancy Resource Center is at 66% of their $30,000 goal at the time of this post. So close, but not quite there yet! If you haven't already, please consider signing up as a walker or supporting someone who is.

Sign Up

Support

More Info

Thanks!!!

-Kira

Walk for Life

 

Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies
    you have prepared praise.

But how can they praise Him if they can't even be born? The Pregnancy Resource Center in Radford, Virginia is working to help women and couples with unplanned pregnancies by offering free services and supplies (such as diapers) to those who need them so that they are more encouraged to choose life.

Volunteers at the PRC not only help with counseling and services, they also share the gospel with those who come through their doors, giving women hope and love. They serve as Jesus would serve, willingly and lovingly.

The PRC relies heavily on donations and fundraisers such as the Walk for Life each year. The Walk for Life is an event where "walkers" sign up and are sponsored by others. On May 2, all of the walkers will meet to walk two miles. Beforehand, however, they must obtain said sponsors.

So, what I'm asking of you, is that you would consider either sponsoring someone participating in this event, or, if you live nearby, participating yourself. Any amount helps! It only takes a few minutes and would make a huge difference to these unborn children and moms-to-be. Also, share this post with friends and family and encourage them to help out too.

If you would like to donate, you can do so here: https://secure.ministrysync.com/ministrysync/event/website/?m=2184154
That is the link to my fundraising page, but from there you can search and find any walker that you might be interested in supporting. Once you find that walker, just click the yellow "Give" button on the right-hand side of the screen and follow the instructions.

If you would like to participate or get more information, you can do so here: http://www.prcsupport.com/events/walkforlife

The PRC's over-all fundraising goal for this year is $30,000. Please think about whether you can help them to reach this goal and don't forget to share!

  -Kira

32 Ways To Tell If You're Homeschooled

 
I just thought this would be a fun post to do because I've been thinking about it a bit lately and wanted to share. It will be much more entertaining if you read them in a very animated and sarcastic way to yourself because that's how I came up with them. :)

Disclaimer: This is not meant to offend anyone (public schoolers, private schoolers, homeschoolers or otherwise). It is just meant to be an enjoyable list to read. So...have fun with it!

1. Most of your books for school were written at least hundreds of years ago if not thousands.
2. Everyone you know knows just about every quote there is from the Hobbit, LOTR, or the Princess Bride.
3. You don't care because you do too.
4. You ask for clarification when someone asks what grade you're in.
5. Having six siblings is not a big deal compared to some of your friends.
6. Your project for history is to direct your siblings in a Shakespeare play.
7. Every time you go to online class, your class starts a deep (and often theological) debate even though you're still not done with the last one.
8. Being a mime is not weird at all.
9. You know more about British actors than American because of Doctor Who.
10. You feel sorry for those that can't sleep in on Wednesday.
11. You speak a little of this language, a bit of that, and you're actually studying that one...
12. You have a friend that you can speak those languages to (yeah, they're homeschooled too).
13. You stall to see how much school work you can get out of when you have a soccer game in the afternoon.
14. Someone takes you out to eat and you have to ask what restaurants exist because you honestly can not remember.
15. All of your clothes come from Goodwill.
16. But that's okay with you because the other option was hand-me-downs from your mom's friend's child that you may or may not have met.
17. All of your skirts fall below your knee and all of your shorts go below your fingertips. Always.
18. You regularly take a break from school to read a different book.
19.  "Home Economics" is cooking dinner for your family of nine and babysitting your younger siblings while your mom goes to a co-op meeting.
20. Youth Group is a place you go to learn about Creation, from your leader - and today's culture, from your friends that go to public school.
21. Debating whether to go to the pool, the library, or the pond on a Friday afternoon is normal.
22. You make sure you have your library card on you before you check for a debit card.
23. "Phys Ed" is soccer practice.
24. Of course you can accept that job in the middle of a Tuesday! You'll just do your school later!
25. You don't go to the pool or theme parks on Saturdays or in the summer and feel sorry for those who do.
26. You can work on one of the five novels you plan to publish next year in the middle of the afternoon.
27. Your go-to explanation for what your "Omnibus curriculum" is always raises more questions.
28. The weird looks you get climbing out of your maroon 12-passenger van no longer bother you.
29. You look forward to your online class because you get to hear the voices of other children your age.
30. When people ask "Doctor who?" you are shocked for a moment before going off into this lengthy and opinionated explanation about everything from which doctor is the best (David Tennant by the way ;) to which show was the creepiest (the dollhouse one).
31. Your desk is in the same room as your two-year-old sister's desk.
32. You laugh at yourself because you can identify with so many of these statements.

So there are the ways I can tell that I'm homeschooled. Are there any great ones that I've missed?  How do you tell that you're homeschooled (or reassure yourself that you're not :)?

-Kira

Looking Back....

 
...and cringing. Have you ever looked back on anything that you've done (pictures, videos, writing, etc.) and just cringed? Did you wish you could delete it from the world and the minds of everyone that saw it?

Do you feel like if only you had done something better, been smart enough to not make that mistake, thought before acting, you wouldn't be cringing at yourself? Maybe if you had thought through your decisions when you were seven, or seventeen, or twenty-seven things would be different.

But it's not only things from years ago. You could look back at a paper you wrote two days ago and want to kick yourself. You could post a picture to the internet and then race to take it down a week later. You could scour the thrift shop for that shirt you got rid of yesterday and then realized you actually wanted.

So why does this happen? Why do we second guess ourselves on things we've already done? Maybe that's not you though. Maybe you don't look back and wince at pictures of you when you were younger or hide stories you've written deep in the depths of your largest binder.

I may not be speaking for all imperfect perfectionists here, but I definitely do not like looking back at things I've done. There's just so much error and imperfection. It makes me want to crawl under the covers and not come out until no one can recognize me any more.

I was wondering why I look back and don't like what I see. Why it doesn't meet my standards now when it did at that time. And while i was talking with a friend about it, I think she gave me the answer.

It's because I've grown.

I am no longer a third grader writing a story for school. I'm an eighth grader trying to complete full manuscripts. I've learned since then. I now know more grammar, spelling, vocabulary. I can do more than I could before.

My best five years ago is nothing to cringe at. It's there to show me just how much I've matured. I would have no idea how much I've learned about writing if I hadn't written that story in the third grade. I might even assume I had not got any better at all. So maybe, the stuff we see as young and naive and embarrassing can actually be a blessing in disguise. Maybe it's God showing us just how much He has been working in us over a period of time.

There's a song by Brandon Heath called I'm Not Who I Was. At one point it says:

I found us in a photograph.

I saw me, and I had to laugh,

because I'm not who I was.

He looked back and laughed. How much better must he feel about who he is now because he can see who he used to be?

I know it's fifteen days after New Year's, but I also know that while some are making goals for 2015 and planning out how they're going to make their lives better this year (something I don't agree with, by the way. But that's a different post), maybe we should take some time to look back. Maybe we should take some time to praise God for how much He has helped us grow over the last year.

I certainly know He was working in my life in 2014. Last year, I was living in a different town. My Grandpa had just died. I was struggling to juggle school, babysitting, mime, and sports. I have definitely changed this year and I know it wasn't my doing.

Honestly though, when you think about it, where would I be if God hadn't been working? Where would any of us be if we didn't have God guiding us and working our seemingly totally messed up lives to His glory? 

It's just so good to know that God's going to keep working on me and never give up. He will always be there, even when I sure don't think I'm worth it. Even when I feel like I've messed up everything I've ever done and cringe at all my work. He'll be there. I know I can count on it.

-Kira

When I Have Time...

 

"When I have time, I'll read that book that needs to be read."

"When I have time, I'll write that blog post."

"When I have time, I'll clean my room."

I have personally been guilty of saying every one of these in some form or another over and over again. I never say, "I'll go do that right now." I never hop up when I'm relaxing and decide to go write a thousand words on something I'm trying to finish. It mostly gets put off until the last minute and then I freak out and the completed work is not as good as it should be.

This is most certainly not a way to glorify God with my work and actions. He expects me to give my all and do it for His glory. I mean, isn't that one of the biggest reasons we were placed on this earth? To glorify God?

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I need to do whatever I do to glorify God. That doesn't mean waiting until the last second. It doesn't mean rushing through it to finish and have free time. It doesn't mean giving the bare minimum in creativity on a project, making it easy.

It means taking the time to plan, work on, and complete a project with care. I'm going to stop putting things off and hurrying through them. I am instead going to take the time that I seem to think does not exist and do things well.

What's the point of finishing the book if you didn't learn anything from it?

What's the point of writing the blog post if you didn't think about it or edit it?

What's the point of cleaning your room if you're just going to stuff things in the closet to become a mess later?

What's the point of doing anything if you are not doing it to bring God glory? 

You don't have to go to a third world country as a missionary to glorify God. You can glorify Him by having a cheerful and willing heart as you babysit younger siblings. Or make dinner. Or do the laundry. Or write a paper.

I confess this has not been my attitude lately. I have complained, been angry, become frustrated, and been impatient. I can't change that on my own. I need God to help me with it. Funny how that works. We need God to help us glorify Himself. We can't do it ourselves and that is just so humbling.

I usually end up surprising myself while I'm writing blog posts, taking a totally different direction than I had at first intended. I have definitely done that today. I expected to write about how I waste time and should stop and work harder. Instead, I ended up with a post about how I can glorify God by doing just that. It's so much fun to see what you can learn just by letting your mind wander. For example, I'm not only doing wrong by a human standard when I put off that project until the day before it's due. I'm not letting my actions show that I'm a Christian when I complain about my workload. I'm not fighting the good fight when I selfishly take free time when there is work to be done.

I pray that God will help me change so that I am glorifying Him through every word I say and deed I do. I will fall, blunder, and backslide. I am not perfect. That just goes to show that He must love us an awful lot to keep being there for us even as we make mistakes over and over again.

-Kira