Borrowed Time

A while ago (I honestly can't remember when), I was having a conversation with my mom about I don't remember what. It must have had something to do with big decision making or spending time or something like that because she told me about doing random things for her boss at a job a long time ago. None of the other employees wanted to do things like drive across town to get something from the store, but she was okay with it.

When asked why, she said that her boss was paying her for her time so it was up to him how she spent it. It didn't really matter whether she was at a desk or in the car - she was being paid to give control of that time to someone else.

This wasn't just a random story though - she had a point. Our whole lives are the exact same way. They belong to God and we should be happy to spend them however He pleases.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

That thought is so incredible to me. God spent so much to save us and so our bodies, lives, and (on a smaller scale) time belong to Him.

Just the idea that every second of every day that I live belongs to God changes how I think and the choices I make. Think about it - what if you had to report to God what you did all day? Would you be on Facebook right now? Would you be done with schoolwork by now? I know I wouldn't waste time nearly as much.

But wasting time can happen in a lot of different ways. It might be spending too long on Facebook. But it also might be reading a trashy novel. It could be all sorts of things. Just because we seem to be doing something good (like reading) doesn't mean the actual thing we're doing is edifying.

We are called to use our lives to further the kingdom of God and every second that we waste is a second that we're not doing that.

That's not to say it's wrong to rest - just the opposite. Rest is a very good thing, but it must be done wisely. Too much is laziness, too little isn't good for you.

God has only given us so much time on this earth. We've got to be good stewards of it.

- Kira

Extra

I've noticed lately that I have a lot of stuff in my life. And a good portion of it's extra. Some of it, of course, like school, is important and should definitely be there. Other things though, like a Goodreads reading challenge, really don't need to be taking up space and time.

A few months ago, I saw a documentary called Minimalism. It mostly followed these two guys who wrote a book on the subject and they explained how great it was. One of the things they said over and over was that, without all that extra stuff around you, it's easier to think and relax and enjoy yourself.

Now, I'm not by a long stretch promoting minimalism. No way. But it brings up some interesting ideas.

What if we made an effort to get rid of just a few of the extra things in our lives? It would clear a lot of space in our heads (and maybe our rooms).

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. - John 10:10

Jesus came to give us abundant life! To me, that doesn't mean waking up in the morning dreading another day on this earth filled with its busyness. No, we're supposed to have joy in our lives. We've been remade! We are new people, cleansed by Christ and filled by the Holy Spirit.

As new people, we have a new purpose in life and that purpose is (according to the Westminster Shorter Catechism) to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. Forever starts now - not when we get to Heaven.

God wants us to have joy in our lives. A lot of times, extra stuff that causes extra stress gets in the way of that. We're rushing around, trying to fulfill priorities we set for ourselves and finish checklists we wrote up with success and happiness in mind. But it doesn't really cause a lot of happiness.

For me, getting rid of the extra things means unsubscribing to a writing workshop. It means not going to a weekend high school retreat. It means not worrying about a reading challenge, but enjoying the books. That's what I've got so far, and I intend to keep looking for ways to cut out the things that don't let me live my life with joy.

And guess what. When you get rid of the extra, you'll find you have more time and brain space for the things you do keep. Like school. Soccer. Church. Family.

Don't get rid of everything. But maybe get rid of enough to enjoy life and your Creator a little more.

-Kira

I Am Weak

I am weak and I don't like it.

There are many ways to use that word: weak. You can have a weakness for some kind of food or novel. You can be weak physically or mentally. You can be weak in your ability to change or fix something.

Today, I particularly mean that last one.

A few weeks ago, I wrote a personal narrative essay for school. My topic (after much agonizing) was sleep.

Maybe you know, maybe you don't know, but I have trouble sleeping. It hasn't always been a problem. As a kid, I thought sleep was a waste of time that could be better spent reading or playing or writing or talking. If I got tired, I knew it wasn't more than a few hours until bed and then I'd be fine the next day.

At the beginning of the summer a couple years ago (2015), that changed. I started going to bed and just not sleeping. Nothing was wrong. I just couldn't quite get to sleep. That's continued to be the case in varying degrees of intensity over the past almost two years.

It's made me weak.

Even now, as I type, I'm having trouble making myself put down these words. Because it's still hard for me; it's still a painful struggle - and one that I feel I'm losing.

When I don't sleep enough one night, I'm irritable and tired the next day. When I don't sleep enough for a week, that intensifies. The littlest thing can (and will) make me mad and a single math problem can become a whole afternoon's frustration. And I cry. I hate to cry, but there's nothing I can do to stop myself when I haven't slept and the tears begin. Absolutely nothing - I have no control.

And that's part of what makes me feel weak.

It's not just the crying and trouble thinking straight and copious amounts of daily caffeine though. I also feel weak because no matter what we've tried to do to fix this problem, it's still there. You name it, I've tried it. Homeopathics, eating and bedtime routines, medications, vitamins. I even got my own room in the hopes that it would help. But nothing does. Not for long, at least.

This is a continual frustration. It doesn't only affect me at night, when I'm staring into the blackness for yet another hour. It also hurts me during the day when I can't focus and think long enough to finish a reading assignment for school.

As a perfectionist, I like to have things in my control. I don't have this in my control. I've been trying to get rid of the perfectionism for a while now, but this one thing I want to have for myself.

I've prayed (rather angrily) that God would take away the sleeplessness, asking Him why He would do this to me. It doesn't seem fair. Such a simple thing permeates the rest of my life and makes easy things hard.

Lately, I've seen the suffering around me. My friends have their own struggles and so does my family. I'm not the only one who has to live with something over which they have no power. And I think we're kind of meant to be that way.

In a sermon on John 11 (if I remember correctly), our pastor said one thing that really stood out.

Trials are good, because when we are weak, the only place we can go is closer to God.

That brings to mind verses like Jeremiah 29:11 and Philippians 4:6-7. God knows what He's doing with my life, weakness included. Even Paul had a "thorn in his side" that God wouldn't take away. Suffering is part of sanctification.

I think realizing that helps. I still want the suffering and weakness gone - I want to be able to sleep at night. But somehow, this is good for me. He knows what He's doing even when I can't do anything.

-Kira

Mirror, Mirror

You're beautiful. (Or handsome - girls aren't the only ones who struggle with their looks) The problem is, it can be hard for you to see that. You know that one friend of yours is prettier and that other one wears nicer clothes. So, if you're not up to that standard yet, how could you even consider yourself beautiful?

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30

We've all heard the verse. Every time the topic of beauty comes up, someone reminds us that it isn't all there is to this life. Of course we know that. So why are we still so concerned with our looks?

I'm writing this for me as much as anybody else because this is something I've struggled with for a long time. I envy the girl that hasn't. Why shouldn't I do what I can to become prettier? It would make me feel better and I want to look good to the people around me.

Hm. I want to look good to the people around me.

Since when has that been the right reason to do anything? We all know this, too. Don't change yourself for other people. But we still want to.

If we know all these things, why do we still want so badly to be beautiful (or at least reach the point where we consider ourselves beautiful)? We know it's deceitful and vain and we know that we shouldn't be trying to impress other people with our looks. But we still want to.

It all comes down to sin. (Doesn't everything?)

Vanity is not okay. Vanity is nothing more than pride - it's caring about what other people think about our looks. In most cases, vanity is also dissatisfaction with the bodies God's given us. We wish we had bigger eyes, clearer skin, straight hair. Then we would be pretty enough.

I was recently given a prayer journal and told to write in it every day. It's helping me to grow in my prayer life and, I think, my relationship with God. Which means it's made me realize some things about myself that I'm not too happy about. One of those is my vanity. I wrote out a prayer asking God to take it from me. I really wanted it to just disappear. Then about a week later (when my pride hadn't just vanished), I wrote out a different prayer. This was one of confession.

Because vanity is a sin, we can't just act like it's only a problem common to teenage girls and it's not really a big deal or just something we should be pitied for. It is a big deal. We are telling God that we are not satisfied with the bodies he lovingly crafted for us; that we would rather humans think us beautiful than our Maker. And that's wrong.

At the same time though, vanity doesn't just disappear into thin air, never to be seen again. We can want it to, but it's a process. We don't grow all at once.

So while we're all growing together, let's all remember together that we are beautiful in God's eyes. Cheesy? Maybe. But you know it's true. And you know that charm is deceitful and you know you don't have to make yourself look different for other people. Our bodies are for honoring God, not gaining attention.

Mirror mirror, mirror on the wall

Telling those lies, pointing out your flaws

That isn't who you are, that isn't who you are.

It might be hard to hear but let me tell you dear

If you could see what I could see I know you would believe

That isn't who you are, there's more to who you are!

...I see you dressed in white, every wrong made right.

I see a rose in bloom at the sight of you, oh so priceless!

Irreplaceable, unmistakable, incomparable,

Darling it's beautiful. I see it all in you

Oh so priceless!

- "Priceless" For King and Country

(and no spoilers - I haven't seen the movie yet :)

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. - 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

See you later, beautiful.

-Kira

Take Care of Yourself

Everyone has a lot going on in their lives. Teenagers, adults, parents, everyone. Often, busyness means sacrificing something in order to make it all fit. It's only natural: there's too much to fit into a day, so you pick something to forgo. I am all for taking out the unnecessary things - it's something I need to work on and grow in myself. But today, I want to ask you to not get rid of taking care of yourself.

In the middle of all the things we have going on, there are a lot of obligations: to school, jobs, friends, sports, family, etc. So, when making room for all these things, it's easy to choose (whether on purpose or not) to stop caring for yourself properly.

A lot of times, this sounds selfish to me. I'm not supposed to be focused on taking care of me, myself, and I, right? There are other people around me and they're supposed to receive my love and attention.

And yes, that's true. Jesus tells us to love one another - it's how the world will know who we are. But now I want to ask you, can you really love your friends, family, coworkers, and that random person in Kroger to the best of your ability when you're tired and burned out?

The answer is no.

Taking good care of yourself isn't just something that's responsible and will make your mom happy when you go to college. It helps you to show God's unconditional love to the people around you. Plus, the people closest to you can usually tell when you're not doing a very good job of it.

There are a few major areas that each of us needs to focus on in ourselves before we can properly pour into other people:

Spiritual

Please please please do your devotions! As a sinner with ideas of my own, I skip mine way too much. But when I spend time with God in the morning, that's a peaceful time that starts my day off right. And not everyone's devotion time has to look the same. You don't have to spend exactly thirty minutes reading, twenty two praying, and ten and a half singing worship songs. I usually read a chapter or a section in the book I'm going through (Psalms right now) and then write a prayer in a journal a lovely friend gave me. It doesn't take very long, so please spend time with God. He cares about you and wants you to love others in a strong way that can only be done by His love flowing through you.

Physical

Everyone knows that if you eat the right things and get some good exercise, you'll feel better. So just do it. I'll admit, discipline is hard for me in this area. I like stay up late reading or watching a movie and then get up early to get started on things. So, yeah, add good sleep to the list of things to make sure you get. We all know that we feel a lot better and can focus on other people more when we're not tired, eating right, and getting a little bit of exercise. I know it might be hard to do all these things, but it's worth it.

Mentally/Emotionally

This one's pretty simple. Stay home and read a book. Take a nap. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Make cookies. Do something you really like to do. But do it by yourself. Let yourself not be at all concerned with what anyone's going to think. Maybe even skip a party or social event if you don't have time for this one. I'm not telling you to have no social life - that's important too. But make sure you get some alone time every once in a while.

I am not saying these things in order to be presumptuous or look like I've got it all together myself. I'm doing it because I know what it's like to not take care of myself in these ways and I've seen my friends struggle with the same things. It's not good and won't get you anywhere you want to go. So today, I ask you again to please take the time to take care of yourself. It's not selfish and it's definitely worth the effort.

-Kira

"What Does Practice Make?"

"What does practice make?"

"Perfect!"

"No. What does practice make?"

Every season of coaching our middle school soccer teams, Daddy would ask the same question in the middle of warmup touches. Confused silence always followed after the initial answer was rejected. Every single one of us girls had been told our whole lives that "practice makes perfect." So what was Coach/Daddy talking about?

After a minute, if no one offered any new answers, he provided the correct one for us.

"Permanent. Practice makes permanent."

And then he proceeded to explain.

"It doesn't matter how much you practice something if you're practicing it wrong. Whatever you do during practice is what's going to become permanent in your head. And then that's what you'll do during the game."

After the first couple times, my sister and I would exchange knowing smiles as the chorus of wrong answers were breathlessly given between touches, followed by the same explanation.

After a while, I realized that this sentiment doesn't just apply to soccer. Rarely anything does unless it's "shoot for the posts" or "keep the offender outside."

Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness. (1 John 3:4)

The practice of these people is certainly not leading to perfection! A few verses later, John practically tells us right out not to believe the old adage about practice making perfect.

Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. (1 John 3:7-8a)

There's another old saying that almost everyone knows: you are what you eat. I'd like to think this is similar. You are what you do.

What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? . . . So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works. (James 2:14,17-18)

Our works are what show our faith and the works we do regularly (habits) are made by practice. I can't help but think of the line Daddy always used to end his mini lecture.

"Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect."

-Kira

"Even the sparrow..."

There are a lot of things in this life that make me anxious or nervous. Like going to math class the first time. Or performing or speaking in front of people. Or, most recently, going to a job interview. I am a generally anxious person. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong and what will happen if said thing goes wrong and can it ever be fixed or will my life be ruined forever.

A couple years ago I found a verse that has since been my favorite.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:5b-7

I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything. Anything at all. That covers everything from going to the dentist to my little sister going to live with someone else. Anything.

Since I found that verse, I'm still anxious a lot. But I repeat it over and over in my head. I thought it would take away all worry if I said it enough times. That I would eventually just never be anxious about anything at all. That's not quite how it's worked so far.

Recently, I had my first ever job interview. As you can probably guess, I was nervous - which also means talking a lot. I said this verse to myself and it certainly didn't take away the nervousness. But it did do something else. I realized that even though I was still anxious about this interview, I wasn't anxious deep down. That probably doesn't make much sense, so let me explain.

It used to be that I was nervous and scared all the way to my core when something new was coming up. But now, when I remember that God has control, I'm only nervous on the surface. Because it is scary to do something new and unknown. It's uncomfortable to step outside your comfort zone. But I'm not nervous on a deeper level. Now, I don't have to dwell on that worry for the weeks leading up to the big day. I can think about other things because I know that whatever happens, God's still going to be sovereign and the world's still going to be spinning at the end of the day. And if it's not, I know where I'll be. :)

Be still and know that I am God.

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth!

The Lord of hosts is with us;

the God of Jacob is our fortress.

-Psalm 46:10-11

I can be still because God will be exalted no matter what.

In Matthew 10, Jesus talks about how we compare to sparrows in the sight of God. If He keeps track of and takes care of them, how much more will He take care of us? Some of us on the mime team (for an explanation, see the "About Me" page) have been given the assignment of creating a mime for part of our testimony. The song I chose is, coincidentally, Sparrows by Jason Gray. You should definitely listen to it, but it starts with the words:

You can't add a single day,

by worrying.

You'll worry your life away.

And the chorus adds:

Oh, even the sparrow

knows He holds tomorrow.

If even a tiny little bird can trust God to take care of him, then I have no reason to doubt that He can take care of me.

-Kira

"Then I will go to the altar of God..."

Have you ever stopped to think about how awesome (as in, awe-inspiring) prayer is? It is the way that we, as simple, ant-like human beings can speak directly to the Creator of the universe and Sustainer of all life. Any time we want.

I've been reading Psalm 43 lately in my devotions. I can't quite get past it. The verses that make me just stop and stare at my Bible over and over again are verses 3-4.

Send out your light and truth;

let them lead me;

let them bring me to your holy hill

and to your dwelling!

Then I will go to the altar of God,

to God my exceeding joy,

and I will praise you with the lyre,

O God, my God.

"Send out your light and truth." That reminds me of another verse. "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" (John 14:6) I read an essay for school that pointed out that there's no specific group of Pslams that are the "Messianic Psalms." All of the Psalms are Messianic. God sent out His light and truth in Jesus.

"Let them lead me." I love this part of the verse. Jesus will lead me. I can make my life His and He will take the lead.

But my favorite bit is in verse 4. "Then I will go to the altar of God." Because Jesus came and He leads me, I can pray freely to God. In the Old Testament, that wasn't okay. No regular old person could just go around talking to God all the time. But now, in the New Covenant, we're not only allowed to approach our Father, but encouraged and commanded to.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:5b-6)

That's what I've been thinking about lately. I just can't get over how blessed I am to be allowed to speak to God. Any time I want for whatever reason I want.

As I'm sure you know, the subject of prayer is a vast one that can be explored from many different angles, but I don't want to do that today. I just wanted to express and share my appreciation of the blessing we've been given in being allowed communication with our Maker.

-Kira

Mask

Are we happy plastic people?

Under shiny plastic steeples?

With walls around our weakness?

And smiles that hide our pain...

I've worn a smile that hides my pain more than I care to admit. And the walls around my weakness? Yep, been there. The mask of plastic? Worn it.

Casting Crowns' Stained Glass Masquerade does quite a good job of capturing just what it is to hide your true self behind a mask.

And I don't mean that stuff about who you really are in a Disney way. I mean it in a Christian way. Even though I had the head knowledge that I could exchange man's judgement for God's, I didn't believe it until this past summer.

"Yeah, okay, I'm being who God wants me to be. I don't worry about what other people think about me because I don't have to."

Right. That's what I told people. "It's all under control."

But that's part of the mask. It's not all under control. At any given point in time, something's not going to be perfect, but why does anyone else need to know that? I just kept it inside. As I smiled and said I was doing splendidly, my inside voice whisper-screamed, "No! I'm not okay! I can't do this any more!"

That's one I thought over and over again. "I can't do this any more!" Meaning school, friends, church, family. It's exhausting to be acting constantly. But guess who I told? No one. Because what if they judged me? What if they had it all together and I would just look bad if I told them I didn't?

It turns out, no one has it all together. And it also turns out that a lot of other people don't want to share their problems either. That's what I learned this summer. Written like that, it looks pretty depressing. But when you add the third thing I learned, it sounds a little more comforting.

Everything is better when you share your life with other people.

They can pray for you, they can hold you accountable, they can comfort you. The people around you are struggling too. And they want to help.

I refused to realize that completely until this summer. When I had to, I would give some small struggle that wasn't really the whole picture. I thought that would fool people. It didn't. When I finally opened up this summer, or, rather, took off the mask, I found out that you can't actually hide yourself from the people who love you and that it's not worth it to try.

I don't have some huge climax to this story, but I will tell you that it's made my life so much better to let other people see that I'm only human. I feel free - I'm not locked behind an image that I wanted the world to see. Now I can actually care what God thinks. And people still love me.

But if the invitation's open

to every heart that has been broken,

maybe then we close the curtain

on our stained glass masquerade.

-Kira

Reasons and Excuses

If I were so inclined, I could produce a plethora of reasons (insert: "excuses") as to why I haven't written anything in the past few (ahem, five) months.

Fortunately for you, I am not so inclined.

I will, however, state one reason (do not insert "excuse" here): I haven't had anything to write about.

I'm completely serious. The author wannabe hasn't had a single thing to write about in nearly five months now. Not counting, of course, a few e-mails and texts and things of that nature. Though I will admit I am abominably slow at replying to such things. Oh, and homework. Who could forget a lovely thing like that?

But I haven't had anything to say on here, on this blog. As you likely know, I usually write things like fiction, anecdotes from my real life, and ways that God's been working on me.

Ah, ways that God's been working on me. Such a lovely thing to ponder... Wait a minute. If I haven't had anything to say on any of those topics for almost half a year, does that mean He's just stopped? I'm no longer growing? I've finally reached that point of perfection so long sought after?

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by trying to convince you of that. No one's perfect, believe it or not, and I'm pretty sure it's a safe bet to say you believe that.

So why the drought of words? If I haven't become the epitome of all that is beautiful and pure in the world, why have I had nothing to say on the subject of anything lately? Has God given up on me? Is that it? He threw up His hands in disgust and left to work on some holier project?

Um, no.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that God hasn't given up on me. If Jesus went all the way to the point of death on the cross for me while I was still as dead as a person can get in my sin, why would He stop molding me to His image now? The thing is, He wouldn't.

So that brings me back to my original question. What happened to all the thoughts that I normally transform so eagerly into sentences to push out into the wide wide world to be read by people who aren't me and my imaginary friends?

I'll tell you what happened. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. Nope. Just ask my sister, I've been talking probably more than ever since the July of my last post. And we've already determined that God hasn't stopped working on me. Quite the contrary actually - He's been growing me in ways that make me beyond grateful and that I didn't see coming.

So are you ready for the answer then? The reason behind the lack of typed verbiage? There are two of them actually and here they are:

1. I didn't think any of it was good enough to say.

2. I didn't think I could do justice to what I did want to say.

Can we just take one second to laugh really hard at reason number 1? Seriously, go ahead. I have.

I'll explain that moment of laughter. If I claim to be a Bible believing, born again Christian (and I do), shouldn't I be growing in my faith every single day and not taking five month breaks? Yes, I should and yes, I have been. So if, like I've said, God has been working in me this whole time, isn't that part of my testimony or witness or whatever word you want to use? Yes, of course it is. My testimony doesn't end with salvation. That's more like the beginning. Finally, if that growth is part of my testimony, how can it possibly not be good enough to say? Am I really criticizing God on how He's been using me and growing me and telling Him it's not good enough to post on the internet? Let's take another laughing break, only this one should be in disbelief and with lots of head shaking.

But that's what I've been thinking. "Wow, I love all this growth and learning new stuff, but I don't think anyone else would want to read about it. So I'll just go read some other blog written by some interesting person." Really? First off, who cares if anyone wants to read it? My popularity (or lack thereof) in this life has absolutely nothing to do with who I am. Nothing. At all. Second, if God loves me as His daughter and is taking the care to grow me in a way that is special to me, He deserves praise and glory for that. Right? I mean really, am I right? Yes! So how dare I think that I don't have anything good enough to say! If God's working in me and through me, I should never run out of things to say, regardless of who reads them.

On to reason/excuse number 2.

I didn't think I could do justice to what I did want to say. So, yes. there were a few things that I thought I'd like to write about and post, but I didn't think I could say them well enough. I mean, I'm a teenager, still working on my writing, growing my fancy-schmancy vocabulary and learning how to make things interesting and fit together. How could I possibly say what God wants me to say in the way He wants me to say it? It simply can't be done.

I am really hoping right now that you read that last paragraph in the most sarcastic voice your brain could supply. If you didn't, please go back and try again. I'll wait.

Am I ever going to be perfect? Nope. So am I ever going to be able to perfectly show what God's doing in my life? Nope again. Well, if I can't do it perfectly, then why bother?

Turns out, I'm supposed to bother because God told me to bother. If I don't praise the Lord, the stones will. And who wants to lose in praising God to a bunch of rocks? Um, not me.

No, I can't write everything perfectly, no matter how hard I try. And I probably can't do it justice. But the point is that I try. I give my absolute best for God and quit acting like I have to be any good by my own strength before He can use me. Guess what. He can use me now. He could use this imperfect post I'm typing viciously away at however He feels like it. And who am I to stop using the words He's given me because I don't think they're good enough? No one, that's who.

So there you have it. That's why I haven't been writing. Because I'm a sinner who doesn't want to praise God for what He does for me.

Well, that's going to change. In fact, it already has. Look at this, I'm writing about what God showed me recently right this very second! I love my God and I want other people to love Him too. I want to be used by Him to show other people how great and amazing He is. I'm not going to do it perfectly, but I still want to do it. What could possibly be better than to have a testimony and a witness used by God in someone else's life? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

So maybe now you could go back to where I said not to insert "excuse" and go ahead and put it in there. Because there is no reason good enough to not give glory to God.

-Kira

My Summer Mantra

In my mind, nothing compares to the blissful peace (or, at the very least, comforting familiarity) of spending uninterrupted days at home. Enough work to occupy the morning and most of the afternoon, completed at an old desk featuring a map of Tolkien's Middle Earth. A stack of more library books than will likely be read before the due date, despite my loathing to admit the fact, on the wall of bookshelves. Two dogs overwhelmed with joy whenever I deem it within my means to give them a simple pat on the head.

As Maria from The Sound of Music put it, "These are a few of my favorite things!"

Wouldn't it be nice if that was all life consisted of? Old friends, familiar running routes, black coffee in "You Are My Sunshine" mugs. The comfortable, the worn, the familiarly frayed things that surround us at home.

Of course, anyone older than two can tell you that this fantasy is not how the world works. We can't always stay home and enjoy the archives of Doctor Who while eating vanilla ice cream covered in too many of the colorful sprinkles that delight young children. Sometimes, instead, we have to get up early in order to consume a hotel breakfast with hotel coffee before everyone else in said hotel wakes up and descends upon the breakfast room.

That said, I have been traveling for the last few weeks without much of a rest at home in between, heading from place to place to place. To place.

Don't misunderstand me - I love to travel! I love seeing new places, gaining new experiences and spicing up life with variety. However, as I have before mentioned, I do tend to have introvert inclinations and I love being at home.

Just over a week through, a thought kept trickling through my mind. Aren't vacations supposed to be restful? Any time something didn't happen just the way it should or I was getting tired and edgy yet again, that's what I would start thinking. Aren't vacations supposed to be restful?

That, of course, got me absolutely nowhere. How could it? Asking a useless question to yourself and not someone else in an overly sarcastic mental voice is not ever going to change anything one bit. Or so I have discovered.

I had halfheartedly been doing devotions every day of the first vacation (and a few days into the second), mostly wishing for home in between trying to glean something from distracted reading when God did one of those things where He completely and totally changes my perspective on something. I don't remember what I was reading. I don't remember what I was thinking. I do remember that I was sitting on a hotel bed in a blessedly empty room with my Bible app open on my kindle fire. But I wasn't dutifully and mindlessly reading. I was praying.

It wasn't one of those "please bless so-and-so and thank you for enough food and clothes" types of prayers (though there's nothing wrong with those). It was one of those "Just help me make it through this vacation! I can't take it any more! My brothers are driving me insane and I'm sick and I have a hundred things I would rather be doing at home right now!" prayers. One of those where you let everything spill out (sometimes including a few tears, as long as there's no one else in the room) and admit you can't do it by yourself.

Then a different thought came to me - one to replace the ever bitter Aren't vacations supposed to be restful? I know that the new thought wasn't from me though. I was still in my "get me out of here!" mindset. The new thought was this:

God is the same everywhere.

Just five simple words. God is the same everywhere. An indescribable mixture of peace and joy rose up from inside me at this new thought.

God is the same at home and at camp and on vacation and at work and in the Eiffel Tower and on the moon and everywhere else. Even when my morning routine includes spreading goopy sunscreen all over already half burnt, half tanned skin and when lunch is from a cooler in the back of the car and when respite is sought in a few feet of shade within earshot of someone else's little sister attempting karaoke. That became my new mantra (if you can call it that) for the rest of the vacation, helping to push aside Aren't vacations supposed to be restful?

The next week, I was away from home again. And guess what? Those five words were still true. I know, go figure. God is the same everywhere.

I pray that those five words stay with you and encourage you, whether you're in a hotel in Europe or a cabin in North Carolina or on the couch in your living room with an old book.

Believe it or not, after getting home a couple days ago, we're leaving again Saturday morning for yet another trip. I think my "mantra" from that second week will turn into my "mantra" for the summer as I continue to be away from home doing all sorts of different things and visiting all sorts of different places.

And as I climb into the car from the crisp Virginia early morning air on Saturday, I will remember.

God is the same everywhere.

-Kira

Why We're Not Chicken Noodle Soup

So maybe this isn't quite within a week, but it's within a month, right? No? One day off? Hmm. Maybe I should stop making poor estimates of when my next post will be...

The closest thing we had to chicken noodle soup.
Just go with it.

Today I wanted to write about labels. Not the labels on a can of soup or something like that, but the labels given to a person either by themselves or by someone else. As a teenager, this is something that I struggle with almost daily. It's always a temptation to believe the labels and do everything within my power to become the person that the label implies. But that's not right. It's not what I'm called to do as God's daughter. I say, let's get rid of them. All of them.

So what exactly to I mean by labels? In this case, I mean the category that a person is placed into in order to define them. Such as: soccer girl, computer genius, animal lover, bookworm, etc. The purpose of a label is to stick it on a person so that we don't have to get closer to them and learn more about them. Or, if it is self imposed, it is so that we can rest in the security of being what others expect and thus make them (and, in turn, ourselves) happy.

What's so wrong with labels then? If they are really just to make people happy and life easy, why would we need to consider getting rid of them? First, just because it makes someone happy, doesn't mean that it is a good thing. It might make me happy to snap at my brothers until they finally leave me alone, but that does not at all mean that it's okay with God.

Yet, nowhere in the Bible does it say, "Thou shalt not label thy friends, thy siblings, or thyself." Which implies that there must be a root problem if it is actually, as I propose, such a bad thing. Labeling must be the result of sin.

But which sin?

If we take the time to look, there are a multitude to choose from: selfishness (wanting people to be just the way we want them), laziness (not wanting to put forth the effort to get to know a person for real), pride (thinking we have the ability and right to define either another person or ourselves), and the list goes on.

Actually, on a slightly different tangent, the soup can picture from above is a good one. A label on a can of chicken noodle soup is placed there to tell you what's inside. When you open the can to cook it, you have no doubt that what you will find inside is indeed chicken noodle soup. The label on the can was put there so that we can know the contents without having to pull out the can opener and work for it.

That's the thing about us humans though, we're not soup. If that is a surprise to anyone, you might want rethink some things - something's wrong. Anyway, humans aren't soup. If a label is put on a can of soup to tell you what's inside, then a label on a human should parallel that purpose. The label should tell you what's inside the person. But that's the thing, it doesn't. Because humans aren't soup, we tend to change and grow and be made up of lots more than broth, chicken, and noodles. We can't be plastered with a label that tells everything exactly as it is inside of us.

There is so much more to every individual person around us that labeling hides from sight. There is so much more to ourselves than one or two concisely cut ideas.

So lets forget the labels and invest in each other as the human beings we are. Let's sweep aside the inhibiting titles and ideas and instead love and get to know each other deeply just as Jesus intended. Because, after all, we're more than chicken noodle soup.

-Kira

Almost Like It Was Planned That Way...

If one were to go all the way back to my very first post on this particular blog, one would come across a paragraph on why it is called how He loves us. For those of you who are too lazy to do so (or just have a life outside of the internet), I will copy it here:

Also, I was going to call this blog all for Him but the web address was already taken, so it is now how He loves us. (web address: howheluvsus.blogspot.com because "love" spelled correctly was taken too) I was going to call it all for Him because I've been thinking a lot lately about what God wants me to do with my life - both long-term and right now - and how I can glorify Him and do it "all for Him" no matter what it is I'm doing.

So, definitely not a bad thing to think about. We were all created for "good works, which God planned beforehand that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10b) Our purpose in life should be to carry out God's plan for said life.

As I said before however, this blog did not end up with the title of all for Him.

When I started writing on here almost two years ago, that was what was occupying my mind a lot and what I was really thinking about. But as I grew, and my blog grew, it seems to have changed. As I look back and think about old posts and stories and pieces of my testimony, I see just how fitting the name how He loves us has turned out to be. Almost like it was planned that way.

My goal with this post is not to start a crazy and confusing predestination debate or anything, but rather to appreciate how God promises to look out for us and care for us constantly.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I've got to admit, I really struggle with trusting God to take control of my life. I mean, I know He has control already, but I am not willing to accept that fact in every area of my walk with Him. I think that I know better and that I can do better because I can see my plans for my future. I can't see God's plans for my future and that scares me a little bit. Because what if they're different from mine? What if He doesn't want me to be a writer or have kids or go to college? What if He wants me to give up my dreams in order to follow His plan for me? His very much existent and good plan, as stated in the verse in Jeremiah.

The disciples left everything behind in order to follow Christ. They left their families, their jobs, their homes. They committed to following Him completely. They went all in. I want to be that devoted to Christ. I want to be willing to give up what I want, no matter how tremendously difficult and flat-out terrifying that is. I pray that God will help me to be able to say "I surrender all my human soul desires. If sacrifice requires that all my kingdoms fall, I surrender all." (I Surrender All, Clay Crosse)

Because He knows the plans He has for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me a hope and a future. And He has the same for you.

This blog post took an extreme turn from the direction I planned on heading. I don't think I even said what I planned on saying, but I'm not going to change it. It just seems right. Almost like it was planned that way.

-Kira

Smelling the Roses

So, I know it's technically not the "Christmas Season" anymore but we can celebrate Jesus' birth all year, right? I had intended to post this last week (before Christmas) but it didn't happen. So I'm posting it today with the idea that it can apply to the rest of the year too. :)

The weather in Virginia has been going absolutely crazy these past couple months. One day, you'll need two pairs of socks and a huge fuzzy coat and the next, it's 60 degrees. Literally.

Despite the abnormality of the climate here, I've been taking a lot of walks lately. Now, we don't live out in the country or on the beach or anything like that. We live in a regular old neighborhood with regular old houses. There aren't huge open fields lining every street or forests surrounding single houses, isolating them from the rest of the world. Basically, it's not a city but it's not the country either. Sort of a happy medium.

Back to walking. I got an mp3 player for Christmas last year and I love listening to audio books or music while I walk and run. You know, just something to occupy my mind. I was listening to a particular song while I was out walking a couple days before Christmas and it really struck me. Unfortunately, I can't remember what song it was or even the exact lyrics. (One more reason I wanted to post this earlier - when I could remember everything I wanted to say :)

The song was about how we get all wrapped up in our busy crazy lives and don't stop to just take things in. I thought it was particularly appropriate for Christmas because of all the extra parties, shopping, and insanity that comes along with the season.

When the song came on, I was at the top of a hill. It was a regular street with regular houses. But between all the regularity, there was something spectacular. Behind the row of mundane houses was a cow pasture. In that moment, it was the most beautiful cow pasture in the world. The hills were dark with grass and tall weeds. The deep, stormy sky was dipping down to meet the rough ground. Clouds looked textured and swirled and even the simple fence around the field had an aspect of peace and rest to it.

As the singer described slowing down and appreciating what God has given us, I almost had to stop for a minute just to take it all in. I hadn't been appreciating everything. I was all caught up in worrying about school and how much I had to get done and even about Christmas.

But God didn't give us Christmas just so that we would have another thing to fuss over and twist into stressful "celebrations." If He had wanted us to get all worked up over yet another thing, He could have given us an extra mid-term or maybe a new flu shot. But He didn't. Instead, He gave us His Son.

This might sound cliche, but Jesus really was the best Christmas present ever. Too often we just pass over the story of His birth as another tradition to get through before we can open presents. The story has been told and retold so many times that we're numb to it. Unlike X-boxes, there's not a new version every year to focus our attention.

What if we stopped getting caught up in all of the little things that add up around December 25 each year? What if instead we just paused for a moment and let God fill us with His peace, love, rest? I'm not saying that the yearly Christmas party and gift exchange are bad things - I certainly don't plan on giving back the journal I got! Those can be good things. But maybe if we take the time to be filled with the peace of God not just once, but on a regular basis, this time of year would mean more.

Why stop there though? God didn't just give us Jesus for the 25 days that we get to open an advent calendar. Jesus is always there, ready for us to turn our attention to Him.

I've spent a lot of my Christmas break so far worrying about and doing school. That's not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself but I was trying to do it of my own strength and power. Guess what - it doesn't work. No matter how many hours I spent organizing and chipping away at my long list, the crossed off tasks didn't give me any joy. If anything, I couldn't wait for Christmas break to be over so that I could get even more work done.

But then God used a devotional book over and over for weeks to show me that He is there for me. I can rest in Him. He knows exactly how much I have to get done today and how He wants me to do it. Maybe the list won't get finished. Maybe it will. But it doesn't really matter. I've learned something better than why Charles Dickens wrote A Tale of Two Cities. I've learned to just take a break. Look at the beauty surrounding me and thank God for it. Let Him fill me with peace and joy and rest.  Accept those gifts and don't push them away. Stop and smell the roses.

-Kira

Not Today, But Don't Stop Asking!

"I really want to hang out with people and keep relationships strong, but I also really need some time to recharge after even a few hours of socializing. What should I do?"

This is the dreaded dilemma that every introvert faces on at least a somewhat regular basis. We don't want to hurt people by turning down invitations, but we also can not keep functioning without time to ourselves to recharge.

What to do, what to do?

We could accept every possible invitation to be social that we ever get. But then, we would get burned out quickly and everything from schoolwork to relationships would suffer. So that option's out.

We could deny every invitation that we don't feel like accepting and just keep to ourselves. But this brings to light a whole new aspect of the problem. What if we deny too many social gatherings and people think we don't want to hang out with them so they stop inviting us? This is a secret fear that can creep its way into any human being's mind, introvert or extrovert. Because humans are social animals. Some more than others, but it is still true of those of us content to spend long hours alone in our room with a good book.

We don't want to stop being invited places, but we also don't want to accept all the invitations. So what should we do?!

Well, I have an amazingly simple answer to that complicated question, and it is: I have no idea. None whatsoever.

So since I can't come up with any good solution to this problem, I have decided to beg, on the behalf of all the introverts who feel the same way, that you don't stop asking! We love spending time with people and we are not trying to avoid you. So don't be offended when we turn you down. We just need some recharge time before going out into the world again.

So please don't stop asking us to hang out with you!

(Quite) Sincerely,
Kira

God's Got It

I've been thinking a lot lately. Especially about the next four or five years as I'm about to start my first year of high school and prepare for college. I've been trying to come up with all sorts of different things I can do to prepare and make lots of goals to meet and go above and beyond what my mind tells me is "average."

I want to start a business, get scholarships, and make good grades. And I've been trying to do all this by myself. I've read books, blog posts, and asked people questions. But I haven't asked God to take the wheel. Sure, I've prayed. But it's been more along the lines of asking God to make things go the way I want rather than following His plan and reaping great rewards.

About two and a half years ago, we found out that a baby that we had been taking care of since she was born would be going to live somewhere else. It was heart-breaking. I didn't understand what God could possibly be thinking. We loved her so much and took such good care of her. Why would He take her from us?

A month or so later we got a phone call. It was the grandparents of the baby girl asking if we wanted to come see her. Now we see her all the time. As I write, she's napping about five feet from me. I didn't see God's providence in letting her be taken at the time. I still don't see all the reasons, but that lesson in faith is one I'll never forget. God's been reminding me of it as I push past Him and try to make my own plans. I can't ignore it any more.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

God has proven Himself faithful to me personally before and He will do it again. I just need to have faith and believe that He will take care of my high school years. God's got complete control of my life and He knows what He's doing and can see all of the long-term consequences when I can't.

-Kira

P.S. For anyone interested, I would recommend the book The Bondage of the Will by Martin Luther. I read it for school last semester and it really opened my eyes to God's providence in everything that ever happens.

Walk for Life

 

Out of the mouth of infants and nursing babies
    you have prepared praise.

But how can they praise Him if they can't even be born? The Pregnancy Resource Center in Radford, Virginia is working to help women and couples with unplanned pregnancies by offering free services and supplies (such as diapers) to those who need them so that they are more encouraged to choose life.

Volunteers at the PRC not only help with counseling and services, they also share the gospel with those who come through their doors, giving women hope and love. They serve as Jesus would serve, willingly and lovingly.

The PRC relies heavily on donations and fundraisers such as the Walk for Life each year. The Walk for Life is an event where "walkers" sign up and are sponsored by others. On May 2, all of the walkers will meet to walk two miles. Beforehand, however, they must obtain said sponsors.

So, what I'm asking of you, is that you would consider either sponsoring someone participating in this event, or, if you live nearby, participating yourself. Any amount helps! It only takes a few minutes and would make a huge difference to these unborn children and moms-to-be. Also, share this post with friends and family and encourage them to help out too.

If you would like to donate, you can do so here: https://secure.ministrysync.com/ministrysync/event/website/?m=2184154
That is the link to my fundraising page, but from there you can search and find any walker that you might be interested in supporting. Once you find that walker, just click the yellow "Give" button on the right-hand side of the screen and follow the instructions.

If you would like to participate or get more information, you can do so here: http://www.prcsupport.com/events/walkforlife

The PRC's over-all fundraising goal for this year is $30,000. Please think about whether you can help them to reach this goal and don't forget to share!

  -Kira

Wise Power

So I had to write a paper for a school project recently in a format used by scholars in ancient times. The format is called a chreia. A chreia is a type of progymnasmata (pro-jim-noz-mot-uh), a writing exercise meant to equip the student for on-the-spot situations where the skills involved in this paper might come into use.

We have been reading Dante's Inferno lately, so this chreia is about the inscription on the entrance to Hell in the epic poem. One of the goals in writing the paper was to write it so that an audience could understand it, so I thought I'd put it on here to maybe see if I fulfilled that goal. Please feel free to ask questions if you have any!

By the way, I have no idea what's up with the highlighting and line spacing at the end - I tried to fix it, but it didn't work....

***

Wise Power

Through me the way into the doleful city,

Through me the way into eternal grief,

Through me the way among a race forsaken.

Justice moved my heavenly Constructor;

Divine omnipotence created me,

And highest wisdom joined with primal love

Before me nothing but eternal things

Were made, and I shall last eternally.

Abandon hope, forever, you who enter.

    Dante of Florence was a wise and respected man. He wrote his thought provoking views on life after death in an epic poem entitled The Divine Comedy, a book which is still studied and examined in modern times. Dante was admired in his day and continues to be renowned today. Students and teachers for many generations to come will honor Dante with the study of his Divine Comedy.

    When Dante wrote the inscription on the gate into Hell, he was conveying the message that God created Hell. There is no power other than God who could have created any place at all, Hell included. Dante’s motivation for writing this inscription was to show the authority held by God over all of Creation. He wanted to demonstrate that God alone holds jurisdiction over Hell. Satan may seem powerful, but it is God Who is in control.

    If the opposite of this inscription were true, that God did not create Hell, there would be no reason to believe that Jesus can save us. Jesus is God, and God has power over Hell. But if He does not, then He is not all-powerful. A God with no power over death, has no power to save His people from death. If God did not create Hell, then there is no assurance that He has the power to save His children.

    The government builds prisons as places of punishment and sends those who commit crimes to serve their punishment in those prisons. In the same way, God created Hell as a place of punishment and sends those who have committed sins to serve their punishment in Hell. God’s authority and law is echoed in the way justice is administered in the United States of America.

An example of God’s power over Hell is given in 2 Peter 2:4, 9. “For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into Hell and committed them to chains of gloomy darkness to be kept until the judgment….then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment.” God has had power over Hell since before the moment that the first sin was committed.

In the Bible, God is said to have created everything. Psalm 89:11-12a says, “The heavens are yours; the earth also is yours; the world and all that is in it, you have founded them. The north and the south, you have created them.” God created everything. That includes Hell. The Psalmist recognized this. Jesus also testifies to God’s power over Hell in Matthew 10:28: “And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear Him who can destroy both soul and body in Hell.” The pronoun “Him” refers to God. We are to fear the Lord because He has power over body and soul, life and death.

    The inscription on the gate of Hell is a proclamation of God’s power. The Lord has authority over the deepest depths of Hell. He is the most powerful being in existence. He created Heaven, Earth, and Hell. He will create a new Heaven and a new Earth. God is all-powerful, all-wise, and all-just.

***

 Well, that's it! Let me know what you think.

-Kira