Friday, December 30, 2016

"Even the sparrow..."

There are a lot of things in this life that make me anxious or nervous. Like going to math class the first time. Or performing or speaking in front of people. Or, most recently, going to a job interview. I am a generally anxious person. I'm always thinking about what could go wrong and what will happen if said thing goes wrong and can it ever be fixed or will my life be ruined forever.

A couple years ago I found a verse that has since been my favorite.

The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:5b-7

I'm not supposed to be anxious about anything. Anything at all. That covers everything from going to the dentist to my little sister going to live with someone else. Anything.

Since I found that verse, I'm still anxious a lot. But I repeat it over and over in my head. I thought it would take away all worry if I said it enough times. That I would eventually just never be anxious about anything at all. That's not quite how it's worked so far.

Recently, I had my first ever job interview. As you can probably guess, I was nervous - which also means talking a lot. I said this verse to myself and it certainly didn't take away the nervousness. But it did do something else. I realized that even though I was still anxious about this interview, I wasn't anxious deep down. That probably doesn't make much sense, so let me explain.

It used to be that I was nervous and scared all the way to my core when something new was coming up. But now, when I remember that God has control, I'm only nervous on the surface. Because it is scary to do something new and unknown. It's uncomfortable to step outside your comfort zone. But I'm not nervous on a deeper level. Now, I don't have to dwell on that worry for the weeks leading up to the big day. I can think about other things because I know that whatever happens, God's still going to be sovereign and the world's still going to be spinning at the end of the day. And if it's not, I know where I'll be. :)

Be still and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
-Psalm 46:10-11

I can be still because God will be exalted no matter what.

In Matthew 10, Jesus talks about how we compare to sparrows in the sight of God. If He keeps track of and takes care of them, how much more will He take care of us? Some of us on the mime team (for an explanation, see the "About Me" page) have been given the assignment of creating a mime for part of our testimony. The song I chose is, coincidentally, Sparrows by Jason Gray. You should definitely listen to it, but it starts with the words:

You can't add a single day,
by worrying.
You'll worry your life away.

And the chorus adds:

Oh, even the sparrow
knows He holds tomorrow.

If even a tiny little bird can trust God to take care of him, then I have no reason to doubt that He can take care of me.

-Kira

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